Ida let me use one of the more comfortable rooms, where there was a touchscreen monitor set up for virtual viewing of donors and the staff impression reports of them. I probably spent an hour browsing and seeing no one who clicked for me, and then I stopped. The man in the cafe was donor DK-101 52 7315, Mads Rasmussen. Mads. His video revealed that he lived in Copenhagen, and worked as a carpenter and furniture maker. He was single. And his voice was delicious.
I couldn't understand everything he said—my Danish wasn't very good—but he was sexy in that hipster way I'd always thought I hated. He had the most interesting face; not quite symmetrical, with gorgeous, sensual lips and a slow sexy smile. If this were a dating site, I would have sent him an email immediately and requested a date. But I wasn't single. I had Niklas. And I wasn't here for a new partner. I was here looking for someone to be the father of my children. And, if I was honest, I wanted Mads to be that man.
I watched his video three more times, then made myself stop. I was behaving like a love-struck teenager. No, no, no. I stood up a little too quickly, and nearly knocked over my chair. I needed to walk out of here. Staying didn't really feel like an option anymore. I'd screened his video four times. I'd let myself imagine him being the father of my children without even having Niklas anywhere in the picture.
I looked out the window, expecting to see outside but it overlooked the mezzanine and, below, the area set up for the mingle. A few people had already arrived and were being handed drinks by the wait staff. The icy receptionist was there, too. Was she also a Client Services Specialist? I stepped away from the window and tried to figure out what to do. Stay or go?
Staying meant opening myself to something more than I'd bargained for. Or was I jumping the gun? I'd only seen the man's picture and watched his video. There was no guarantee he would even show up tonight, and maybe I would feel the opposite of attraction once I spoke to him. I didn't need to feel attracted to him to think he could be a good donor for me. All that mattered was that he was healthy and his sperm quality was good. According to the reports in his file, he was stellar material. That was all I needed to think about. I was not going into this like I was approaching a long-term relationship. I mean, even the website said the only time donors met the recipients was at the mingle, and possibly one or two more occasions in between to sign paperwork.
I was safe. Niklas and I were safe. I just had to make sure it stayed that way.